Why I’m Not Married Yet « Just Me Against The World

Why I’m Not Married Yet


I was just talking to my friend about this last night because I hear this a lot. “You’re such a great guy, why aren’t you married yet?” Ok. Maybe they don’t say that I’m a great guy. I could’ve just added that part in, but the fact of the matter is that I just turned 37 and I’m the last single dude out of all of my friends. For real. Look at all of our group pics and I’m always the odd man out. 5th wheel. 7th wheel. 15th wheel. You name it and it’s me. Is there some kind of science to this? Probably not. I’d like to think that there was. I can only go by what I know, which obviously isn’t much.

– I’m a jerk: It might be a Scorpio thing, but two girls told me this on the same night. One was a longtime friend of mine and the other was a girl that I just met. Can’t get any more accurate than that sample size. My friend just sent me this thing saying how Scorpios are only 1{4b60d478b90bca18eeffbf8b1a93e65cc935dc2ffbf7c5beb7c0c95149b3d5c9} asshole, but that’s so flawed that I can’t even mess with it.

– I have sloppy handwriting: My mom told me when I was a kid that if I had sloppy handwriting, no girls would want to marry me. While this seems wildly absurd, I still have sloppy handwriting and am not married. Maybe there really is a correlation. At this point, I can’t say that she’s wrong.

– I’m self sufficient: I’ve lived by myself for years now so I cook, clean, decorate, shop, and do all the stuff that couples usually do. Well, almost. But yeah, I guess if I were more needy, then that would put my brain into “get married” mode.

– I get by with a little help from my friends: Again, if I were a bit needier, it would force me to find a girl out there to be Mrs. RikDaddy, but I’m always around my friends so it’s not like I’m feeling lonely. I have great friends so I’m all good.

– I have no filter: Sometimes (just sometimes) girls I date don’t appreciate my sense of humor. That leads them to get mad at me and then, well, you know the ending. Like I tell everyone, I just need to find someone who can stand me.

– I have a lot of female friends: One thing that I’ve noticed is that girls hate other girls. So girls I date (or hang out with) really hate girls that I am friends with. Well, the attractive ones at least.

– I’m too logical: Girls I date hate this. Like really hate it. Especially because my logic comes up during arguments and I’m way too lazy to argue anymore. Weird because they usually love my jokes until we start dating.

– I’m too picky: I hear this a lot, but it’s not even true. Just because I don’t want to settle for less, that doesn’t make me picky. Especially coming from girls that I went out with in the past. I mean, I went out with them, so how picky could I be?

– I have an insanely good memory: Girls hate this the most. They always say they want guys with good memories, but that’s a lie. Once they’re in the middle of starting an argument and realize that I remember every detail and they’re wrong, things get kind of ugly. There’s that small moment where they pause thinking “damn” and then it reminds them that they hate me. And it’s not even that I have to be right, it’s just that I go with the facts and they just happen to be right.

Other than these, I’m out of ideas. And it’s not like my friends aren’t trying to introduce me to girls because they have been non-stop. I should have my own dating show. I know The Bachelor never had an Asian bachelor. Psshh. Racists.

Anyhow, if you have any ideas, feel free to drop them to me. Otherwise, send all of your single girl friends my way and pray that I don’t ruin your friendship because they end up hating me.

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