What’s the worst profession in existence? Not bad for the person doing it, but for the rest of the world to despise him (I am only using man/men/him/he not because I’m sexist and un-PC, but it’s just faster for me to type and it’s less confusing to try and figure out how to label a unisex job position). Used car sales? Repo man? Parking patrol? Nah. I think the most despicable job on the planet is that of a weatherman. Why? Because for the past thousand years or so, these idiots claimed they could predict the weather and are not held responsible if they are wrong. Well, maybe at some point they were held responsible, but they sure as hell aren’t now. It’s even worse because they have all the technology at their disposal to be more accurate. I can watch the news, look up on my iPhone, or check weather.com on Monday and it’ll show rain on Saturday. By Saturday, if it doesn’t rain, all of those sources will change their reports. How convenient. If I wanted to wait until the day of to figure out if it was going to rain or not, I could just look outside myself. Why is this a big deal to me? Because rain greatly affects things that go on in my seemingly boring life. I like to plan ahead, so if they say it’s going to rain on Saturday, then I can’t play basketball outdoors, shoot a video, go on a cruise, go to the beach, or take my dogs for a walk. Then if it doesn’t rain, a lot of those plans go out the window. Does the weatherman pay for my canceled cruise or video that we didn’t end up shooting? Can he come by to walk my dogs or meet me at the park to play 21? Of course not. He’s either at home getting drunk off cheap wine celebrating his meaningless but high paying job. And really, by looking at him, it should always be sunny outside because dude is spending too much time at the salon and constantly overly-tanned.
Then think of the opposite. What if Mr. Weatherman said that it was going to be sunny all weekend and you planned for that, but it ended up raining. Wouldn’t that piss you off? I know it pisses me off if I plan some outdoor activity because it’s supposed to be sunny and it’s pouring outside. Last Saturday, they said it was going to rain so we didn’t book this dinner cruise. I wake up in the morning and it’s completely sunny. In fact, it didn’t end up raining until Thursday. That’s pretty weak.
Also, what’s up with these hurricane, tornado, and tsunami warnings? Unless they’re absolutely sure that one of those are going to hit your area, they should shut the hell out because all it’s going to do is make people panic. We had that hurricane or tornado (I forget because it never really happened) warning in Long Beach and everyone was wigging out. It was probably the most updated status on FaceBook and Twitter for those two days. In the end, it just rained a lot. Oh no, not rain! Psshh. Then Jimmy Le was in Hawaii last week when they had the tsunami alert. He said people were raiding stores for canned food and water. After that, the streets were all blocked off so nobody could get anywhere. Turns out, nothing happened. False alarm. Zzzzzzz.
What a cush job. Seriously. I can’t think of any other job that you can go through and make up BS without facing any consequences for being completely wrong and horrible at what you do. Maybe harsher punishments should be place on these so-called predictors of weather. A cane whack or two on the ass for every day he messes up. Or he needs to donate his salary for the day’s he messes up to charity. That’s pretty fair. I mean, why collect a paycheck if you’re not doing your job? Then again, I guess I can say that about a lot of people. But fortunately, their lack of duties at work don’t affect my life.
Then there are the earthquakes and seismologists. We’re supposed to have a giant earthquake between now and 30 years from now. Hmm. Sounds thrilling. I was listening to this seismologist on the radio once that was making fun of some earthquake movie because she said they have enough technology now to be able to predict them before it happens. Well, there have been lots of earthquakes since then and nobody said anything right before they happened. It’s easy to claim after the fact. I mean, that’s like not betting on a game, then after it was over, saying that you could’ve made bank because you knew who was going to win. Not to mention the fact that even if they did their jobs and predicted earthquakes, there isn’t anything that can be done to prevent or prepare people for them. Just move all your big alcohol bottles off the shelf I suppose. Shoot, whenever it’s hot then cold then hot again, I say that there’s going to be an earthquake. My high school friend Kim Wright and I joke about that all the time. And when there finally is an earthquake months later, we take credit for predicting it. Sounds like a new career for me around the corner.
Ricky “RikDaddy” Chu
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Great blogpost, thanks loads!