I’m always down to try a new place to eat because, well, I love food. There’s a Mongolian BBQ place around the corner from my house called Caesar’s that always looks empty. My boy Jimmy Le told me that the place sucks and is probably a front for money laundering because they’ve managed to stay in business for this long without any customers. The thing is, I really wanted to try it despite the fact that it was named Caesar’s. I don’t recall knowing any Mongolian people named Caesar. Come to think of it, I don’t know any Mongolians.
One night we actually decided to go there because it was way closer than the one in Covina that everyone used to eat at. Surprisingly, there were a lot of people in there. It was really clean for a Mongolian BBQ place too. Not all smokey and greasy inside. How bad could it be? The Mexican dude cooking the food didn’t really look Mongolian to me. More like Mexican. Hmm. Maybe he was Caesar. I made my usual plates, three of them, and everything seemed cool. The only thing that struck me as stupid was that they charged my credit card for a refill without saying anything about it, but that’s Asians for you. Wait, are Mongolians considered Asians? Just kidding! Sheesh.
At this point, I have to warn you that it’s about to get way more disgusting so stop reading if you don’t want all the graphic details.
My stomach didn’t feel right a couple hours later, but that happens now and then. All of a sudden, in the middle of the night, I had to make a run to the bathroom to, umm, unload. It ended up being two or three more times that night, and that’s just from one end of my body. I got up twice just to vomit. I woke up in the morning feeling really weak, but we decided to grab some lunch because I needed some nutrients to get replenished. Bad idea. Just like the night before, everything came back out every which way possible. By this point, I had lost around 8lbs. Not ideal for a guy who is never trying to lose weight.
By the time I got home, I don’t think I ate dinner that night. My body was feeling cold chills so I took a hot bath and downed about three bottles of Gatorade. I wrapped myself in blankets like a burrito and knocked out at 6pm feeling like death. I had crazy dreams like I was going to die, probably because I really thought I was. I woke up feeling a lot better, but still not 100%. Closer to 60%, which was a big upgrade from 10% from the previous night. It took me a while to get back on solid foods again and keep it down (or in).
So this is just a precursor warning that if you’re ever in the Lakewood area, do NOT eat at Caesar’s Mongolian BBQ unless you’re on a rapid weight loss plan for 2010. Every time I drive by it now, it makes me want to vomit. If anything, I’d like a refund for our two dinners and the next couple of meals that their unsanitary cooking forced out of my body. Not to mention the four rolls of toilet paper that I went through. As far as I’m concerned, that place is owned and operated by the devil himself (or herself). The Loft Hawaiian food is right across the street and I have no problem eating at that place while giving Caesar’s the middle finger at the same time. Seriously, I can do it.
Ricky “RikDaddy” Chu
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