It was a long shot that the Clippers would F up the number one draft pick this year, but they are still the Clippers. You know, the same team that picked Yaroslav Korolev over Danny Granger. It was pretty much fool proof this year since the overall consensus on the number 1 pick was the big power forward Blake Griffin from the Oklahoma Sooners. General Manager and self-proclaimed head coach Mike “Dumpleavy” Dunleavy has been talking about taking Blake Griffin since Andy Roeser wore his lucky suit and landed the number 1 pick in the lottery. Way to show your hand early, Dun Dun.
I just got back from the draft party with Bryan “Bamm” Cotton and Michael Kye at the ESPN Zone in the LA Live plaza and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Blake Griffin will be a great player on this team. However, there are several problems the Clippers still have to address before getting themselves fitted for championship rings. First and foremost, fire Dunleavy. Keep him bald, penis-looking head as the General Manager since he seems to do pretty well at that job. As far as being the coach, that’s a big fat NO. I haven’t seen more stagnant offense than his plays anywhere. No player wants to play for him and no fans want to watch his nonsense. He claims he wants the team to play up tempo, but yelling “run” doesn’t really validate that. I yell “run” all the time and that doesn’t make me an up tempo head coach who has tricked Donald Sterling into paying me $5 million a year for the past three and next two seasons. Good thing my new seats are right behind the coaches so he’ll get an earful of my “fire Dunleavy” chants. At least I won’t have his hooker relatives yelling at me during games and his elf-faced son giving me dirty looks.
Next on their list of problems is the over abundance of bigs. Just in the center and power forward positions you have: Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, Zach Randolph, Brian Skinner, and DeAndre Jordan. I’ll throw Steve Novak in there because Dun Dun puts him at the power forward spot and Al Thorton as well since he can play the 4 if it were a small ball line up. Somebody has to go and I think it starts with the Great White Dope named Chris Kaman. Not only does he suck, which he absolutely does, but he has a pretty beefy contract, is always hurt, and is inconsistent. We’re talking about a guy who is Dunleavy’s retarded love child who apparently can do no wrong even if he dribbles the ball off of his big clown feet two or three times a game then does a spin move away from the basket to brick a hook shot off of the side of the backboard. Yet everytime he has a bad game there is some lame excuse as to why. He is one of the few professional athletes that have zero muscle tone and yet isn’t fat at the same time. It’s like he’s a pasty white 7ft. tall statue sculpted in mashed potatoes. Since he’s came into the league until now he still makes the same stupid mistakes and mopes about missed shots over and over rather than focusing on the next three possessions. One night you can get a 20 point and 10 rebound game, the next you’ll get 4 points and 3 rebounds with 5 fouls. After making a big ass fuss about playing for the German team in the Olympics, Big Stupid comes to training camp hurt then sits out before the mid point of the season until damn near the very end. Some of his highlights were in the last blowout loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder where he caught some passes with his face. Good job, dumbass. Some team out there needs a big man to clog up the lanes, so here you go. I heard there was a trade from the Timberwolves that involved Mike Miller for Chris Kaman and it was shot down by our side. Are you serious? Mike Miller would be a perfect fit for this team and we’d get rid of the goofball at the same time.
A lot of people want to trade Marcus Camby because he’s injury prone and while that’s true, in the past couple of years Kaman has proven to be even less durable. Camby is consistent. When he steps on the court you know what you’re getting- around 8-10 points with at least 10 rebounds and a blocked shot or two. He’s a pretty decent passer for a big and can run the floor. Since there is a bonus in his contract for games he plays, he’ll try even harder to stay on the court even through minor injuries. Despite his age, I think he’s a keeper. The only problem is that his contract runs out next season. Sadly, I think Marcus will be the one shipped out.
Another big that should be moved is Zach Randolph. He’s a great basketball player if you look at his numbers on the offensive end, over 20 points and 10 rebounds averaged per game. The problem is his defense and lack of recognizing that there are four other teammates on the floor. Once the ball goes into the post, don’t expect to see it come back out unless it gets deflected. And if he manages to stay in front of his man or block a shot, then it must be a good night. Zach also has a bad reputation on and off the court ever since he was with the Portland Trailblazers and that hasn’t changed much. Last season he punched Louis Amundson in the face then got popped for a DUI on the night they lost to the Lakers. Zach’s contract is pretty fat too so that makes him harder to trade, but it pretty much has to be done. He shares the same position as Blake Griffin and you can’t bring your star player off the bench all season and expect him to make an impact. You also can’t have Randolph come off the bench making nearly $15million a year. Then again, with Dun Dun running the Clipper ship, he probably thinks he can do both. Idiot.
Next on the list is the small forward position which currently has Al Thorton as the starter and Steve Novak as the back up. Oh, and also Ricky “Smoke Weed” Davis who hasn’t played worth a crap this past season because of injuries and suspension. Al is a good player and pretty big for that position. His problem is that he likes to take jump shots when he can easily take his defender off the dribble and get to the hole. If he even manages to do that, he’ll have to work on his free throws since those are atrocious as well. At some point he’ll develop a jump shot (maybe he won’t), but until then he should try to finish at the rim or get to the foul line. I think Steve Novak is a great shooter at 6′10″, but that’s pretty much all he is. On the defensive end he has slow feet and has a hard time guarding the bulkier small forwards. Now think back to when I said how Dun Dun plays him at the power forward position. Not exactly what I think Novak is built for. Definitely another area that needs some depth.
As we move down the list, we get to the shooting guard with super stud Eric Gordon as the starter. Seems like we are always undersized at this position whether it was Cuttino Mobley or Eric Gordon playing here. Even Mike Taylor and Fred Jones aren’t that tall to be playing this position especially trying to match up with other shooting guards like Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, and Brandon Roy. I’m not a tall dude so I know how much it sucks to go up against taller defenders. We need some size here and a solid backup for Gordon.
Then we get to Baron “Boom Dizzle” Davis and the point guard position. It’s borderline illegal how bad Baron played last season. I think it was his worst year ever since coming into the NBA. Dude was walking the ball up the court, missing layups, bricking three pointers, and pretty much everything you’d expect from a shakey rookie. The thing is, he wasn’t a rookie. Baron was a veteran who just signed a fat $15 million a year contract for 5 years. Sure, he got boned like the rest of us when Elton “Benedict” Brand ditched Clipper Nation and fled to the 76ers, but Baron didn’t step it up like he said he would. Maybe he was playing injured and maybe he wasn’t, but it looked like he didn’t even want to be on the court. It’s really easy for him to talk about stepping it up next year after so many people wasted money on tickets last year. So let’s say he keeps his word, which I think he will, and plays like he did when Golden State made that playoff run, who do we have as backup point guards? Mike Taylor. I like the guy, but he’s too fast for his own good. Also, at times he plays like I do on NBA Live when my team is down. Just dribbling around in circles and trying to get into the paint for a layup. He does have some pretty dope dunks, though. Fred Jones is a good backup if the Clippers re-sign him. He really played well in his limited time with the team, not that it means much with a horrid 19 win season. A decent young backup point guard would be great because he can be developed into the starter when Baron starts getting older and more injured. If you follow the Clippers, which I don’t expect you to, they always have injuries at the point guard position for some reason. I find it kind of odd since Dun doesn’t have any fast paced offense for them to run. Who knows?
So yeah, as happy as I am that Blake Griffin is a Clipper, I’m not going to be running around talking smack about how good the team is going to be next year. I had two ticket sales guys come up to talk to me at the draft party saying the same “well, next year will be better” nonsense. I really don’t think it can get worse than 19 wins, but I said that the year before and they managed to prove me wrong. I don’t have a lot of faith going into next season, but I would love to be proven wrong. My family and I have supported this team for two decades and we want them to succeed. I’m sick of hearing band wagon Lakers fans talk smack when they know nothing about basketball or their so-called team. If Blake Griffin is the player who can finally turn this franchise around, then somebody bless this kid with all the might powers from above. From what I’ve seen so far, he has an awesome game with great ball handling skills for a big and most importantly, a kick ass attitude. He wasn’t bummed that the Clippers were going to draft him at number 1, he was determined to make this a winning team. Can’t hate on that.
One last thing, I hope everyone got to here Clipper Darrell on 710 ESPN Radio with Dave Denholm and Brian Long. I hope this season gives Darrell something to yell “Let’s Go, Clippers, Let’s Go!” about other than trying to rally the team back from another blowout home loss. OK. I lied. This is the last thing. FIRE DUNLEAVY! *clap clap clap* FIRE DUNLEAVY! *clap clap clap*
Dave…
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